Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
