Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
