that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
