You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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