quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
