Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
