She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
