PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
