Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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