And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
