I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
