all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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