In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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