I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
