i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
