I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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