P.S. I can't hear my feet
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
