have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
