Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You were trust falling into bushes
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
