you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
