They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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