so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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