sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
