I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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