apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
