The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
