Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
