i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
