Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
