All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
