I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
