Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
