My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
