i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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