Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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