im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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