bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize