i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize