is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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