I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize