I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize