Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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