I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize