my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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