Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
