you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
