my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
