Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
