dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
