I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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