You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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