wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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