I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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