Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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