guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
