sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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