Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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