I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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