this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you would pick up someone in the library
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i dont even know how to be here
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
