Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
