I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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