Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
