he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
