I hate your face
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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