She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
