i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
