life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
