do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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