i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize